Why NeilsNotes?!

You have to admit... NeilsNotes.com - The World's #1 Adult Greeting Cards are ORIGINAL.

1. We NOW sell WHOLESALE direct to the Public (yeah... that's YOU!).
2. NOW is our LOWEST pricing EVER (since our start in 2005). Buy BIG! $ave BIG!
3. We ship WORLDWIDE! WOW!
4. NeilsNotes...are the 'Adult' greeting cards that ACTUALLY contain REAL 'ADULT' content!
5. NeilsNotes are
PROFESSIONALLY designed and range from 'nice' to 'NASTY!'
6. NeilsNotes measure a whopping 8.5" x 5.5" (and yes, and even larger 8.5" x 11" when fully opened)... YOUZERS!!
!
7. Shopping for NeilsNotes is EASY! Pick a category under 'SHOP NOW!' Go through ALL our cards (some categories have multiple pages, so don't miss any). Add your selections to the shopping cart (check out our shirts and mug collections at the bottom of each of our cards pages), don't worry... you can adjust any quantities within the cart before you buy. Check-Out with our simple, SECURE ordering system... then sit by your mailbox and await The Magic (the day your NeilsNotes Adult Greeting Cards arrive in the mail!). GO CRAZY! And have FUN!!!

IS ONLINE ORDERING SAFE?! With NeilsNotes it is.
We use PayPal, thus we NEVER see your credit card information. We are a 'VERIFIED' Seller with them.
PayPal accepts most major credit cards and now you don't even need a PayPal account to order.


Shipping: DO ALLOW up to 2 weeks (US and Canada - LONGER for International Orders) to receive your NeilsNotes (shipping from Canada) before emailing, giving us sh*t wondering where the f*ck your order is.
Where do we ship? WE SHIP WORLDWIDE!
Ordering is
FAST & EASY (just like Neil) and SECURE! And it's even.. (get ready)... FUN!!!

And remember to ALWAYS keep a supply of NeilsNotes on-hand for those special events that life invariably shoves in your face, down your pants or rams down your thoat (all first date stuff in my book!)!
NOTE: NeilsNotes may even get you LAID.


So what are you waiting for?! ORDER SOME NeilsNotes TODAY!

Thank you...
for all your kind words over all these years, for supporting this business and for taking NeilsNotes in the light in which they are intended. To be fun, over-the-top... off the chain!

Our Fans ARE THE BEST!!!

'NeilsNotes - 'When you want to tell them what you really think!'

Butt-covering LEGAL crap! / IN SHORT: you are at least 18-years old (21-years old where 18 is not the age of majority), etc. etc. etc.

Terms of Use (NeilsNotes.com Inc.’s Website):

Eligibility:
You must be eighteen or over to ENTER and/or VIEW this site. By using and/or viewing this site, you represent and warrant that you have the right, authority, and capacity to enter into this agreement and to abide by all of the terms and conditions of this agreement and that you are at least 18-years old (21-years old where 18 is not the age of majority) - who are interested in and wish to have access to visual images, verbal and written descriptions and audio sounds of a sexually oriented, and frankly erotic nature. The materials, which are available within this site may include graphic visual depictions and descriptions of nudity and sexual activity and should not be accessed by anyone who is younger than 18-years old (21-years old where 18 is not the age of majority) or who is offended by such materials or who does not wish to be exposed to such materials. Commercially available parental control protections (such as computer hardware, software, or filtering services) may assist you in limiting access to material that is harmful to minors. If you are interested in learning more about these protections, information is available at www.cybersitter.com, www.netnanny.com or other analogous sites providing information on such protections. (The preceding links are provided for information purposes only and is not intended as an endorsement of these entities, their services, or policies. NeilsNotes.com Inc. is not affiliated with them.)

By using and/or viewing this site you represent and warrant under penalty of perjury the following:

A) That you are an adult, at least 18-years of age (21-years old where 18 is not the age of majority).
B) That you will not permit any person(s) under 18-years of age (21-years old where 18 is not the age of majority) to have access to any of the materials contained within this Site, including sending NeilsNotes.com Inc's Cards to persons under 18-years of age (21-years old where 18 is not the age of majority).
C) That you understand that when you gain access to this site, you will be exposed to visual images, verbal descriptions and audio sounds of a sexually oriented, frankly erotic nature, which may include (but not limited to:) graphic visual depictions and descriptions of nudity and sexual activity. You are voluntarily choosing to do so, because you want to view, read and/or hear the various materials which are available, for your own personal enjoyment, information and/or education. Your choice is a manifestation of your interest in sexual matters which, you believe, is both healthy and normal and which, in your experience, is generally shared by average adults in your community. You further represent and warrant that you are familiar with the standards in your community regarding the acceptance of such sexually oriented materials, and the materials you expect to encounter are within those standards. In your judgment, the average adult in your community accepts the consumption of such materials by willing adults in circumstances such as this which offer reasonable/effective insulation from the materials for minors and unwilling adults, and will not find such materials to appeal to a prurient interest or to be patently offensive.
D) That you further represent and warrant that you have not notified any governmental agency, including any postal service which you do not wish to receive sexually oriented material.
E) That you represent and warrant that you have not and will not use and/or view the Site(s) in a restricted location - namely a place, country, or location in which doing so would, or could be deemed a violation of any law, regulation, rule, ordinance, edict or custom.

Limitations of Liability; Indemnity
IN NO EVENT SHALL NeilsNotes.com Inc. BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, SPECIAL, INDIRECT OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, OR ANY OTHER DAMAGES OF ANY KIND, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO LOSS OF USE, LOSS OF PROFITS, OR LOSS OF DATA, WHETHER IN AN ACTION IN CONTRACT, TORT (INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO NEGLIGENCE), OR OTHERWISE, ARISING OUT OF OR IN ANY WAY CONNECTED WITH THE USE OF OUR WEBSITES OR THE MATERIALS CONTAINED IN, OR ACCESSED THROUGH, OUR WEBSITES. You agree to defend, indemnify and hold harmless NeilsNotes.com Inc. and its affiliates and their respective officers, directors, employees and agents from and against any liabilities, losses, costs, claims, expenses, damages, causes of action or demands, including without limitation reasonable legal and accounting fees, arising or resulting, or alleged by a third party to be arising or resulting from your use of any information or material from our website(s) or your breach of any of these Terms of Use. The provisions of this paragraph shall indefinitely survive the termination of this agreement.

Applicable Law
These Terms of Use shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the Province of Alberta, applicable to agreements made and entirely to be performed within such province, without resort to its conflict of law provisions. By accessing and/or placing orders under our websites, you acknowledge that you have read, understood and agreed to be bound by these Terms of Use and by all applicable laws and regulations, including Canadian export control laws and regulations. Visitors who do not agree with these Terms of Use should not access or place orders through our websites. You agree that any action at law or in equity arising out of or relating to these Terms of Use shall be filed only in the Province of Alberta located in Provincial or Federal Court and you hereby irrevocably and unconditionally consent and submit to the exclusive jurisdiction of such courts over any suit, action or proceeding arising out of these Terms of Use.

By ordering NeilsNotes.com Inc.’s greeting cards, NeilsNotes.com Inc. may use your email address to contact you regarding: new product releases, special offers, etc. This is not to be considered by you (and will not be considered by you) as 'spam.' Your email address will never be sold to any 3rd. party.

Termination
Notwithstanding any of these Terms of Use, NeilsNotes.com Inc. reserves the right, without notice and in its sole discretion, to terminate your license to use our websites, and to block or prevent future access to and use of our websites.

Severability
If any provision of these Terms of Use shall be deemed unlawful, void, or for any reason unenforceable, then that provision shall be deemed severable from these Terms of Use and shall not affect the validity and enforceability of any remaining provisions.

Miscellaneous
These Terms of Use apply exclusively to your access to, and use of, our websites and do not alter in any way the terms or conditions of any other agreement you may have with NeilsNotes.com Inc. for products, services or otherwise. NeilsNotes.com Inc. reserves the right to change any and all content contained on our websites and the designs of the cards themselves at any time without notice. Reference to any products, services, processes, or other information, by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, supplier, or otherwise does not constitute or imply endorsement, sponsorship or recommendation thereof by NeilsNotes.com Inc.

Disclaimer
OUR WEBSITES AND THE MATERIALS ON OUR WEBSITES ARE PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. NeilsNotes.com Inc. DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, TITLE, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT. NeilsNotes.com Inc. DOES NOT REPRESENT OR WARRANT THAT MATERIALS IN OUR WEBSITES ARE ACCURATE, COMPLETE, RELIABLE, CURRENT, OR ERROR-FREE. NeilsNotes.com Inc. DOES NOT REPRESENT OR WARRANT THAT OUR WEBSITES OR ITS SERVER(S) IS FREE OF VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL COMPONENTS.

Testimonials
 

‘These are absolutely the WORST cards in the BEST way. Our Customers love them!’

           Kristen –  ON.

 

‘A Customer came in one day and bought 11 NeilsNotes at once!’

            Corey - SK.

 

‘Neil: these are freakin' hilarious! My fave is the Pap Smear card - still laughing! Great addition to the store! Thanks for finding us!’

            Joan - BC.

 

‘I must tell you what an amazing reaction that I get from them by the laughter that comes from your racks!

Your cards bring a type of relief to people’s days. As long as I have a store, and your great cards are available, they will have a spot to shine… THANK YOU!'

            Bill - MI.

 

‘Love the Cards Love The Reactions to Them…Love Working with Neil. All around a Great Thing! Thx. Neil'!

            Corinne - BC.

 

‘(I’ve just received and…) I’m opening the cards now… they are HILARIOUS! Thanks!’

            Linda - BC.


‘The funniest I have ever seen, absolutely brilliant! The cards are as twisted as I had hoped. We will be

re-ordering. It’s been a pleasure dealing with you, also excellent friendly follow-up service on top of a great

product! Thank you very much!’

            Simon – AU.


Hi Neil! We just received the shipment and I’m reading a few of your cards… they're hilarious! We’ll sell tons of them!
            Caitlin – ON.



ADD your testimonial here!
Email it to us using the
'Contact Us!' page.
Thank you. -
Neil

​100%

C*mming Soon!

Shirts & Mugs

I

 

'Elephatine penis NOT available

(at this time)