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The World's #1
Adult Greeting Cards!

(from NICE to NASTY).

Our Lowest Pricing...

Holy $hit!

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*** A NeilsNotes TOP SELLER! ***
Front: 'Oh...we are so done!'
Inside: 'Because (check all that apply)'
'(Note - not listed in order of importance).'
(70+ reasons to break-up)
-You are a lousy piece of ass!
-You don't do oral!
-You don't do anal!
-You're a prick!
-You're a bitch!
-You're a nag, bag, a slag, and/or hag(underline all that apply)
-You're a fucking asshole!
-You're a pig!
-Your home is a pigpen!
-You're a neat freak!
-You suck!
-You don't suck (enough)!
-You make me prefer masturbation!
-You're selfish (ie.: Get your head out of a**. Do come up for air sometime!)!
-You're cheap (and I don't mean 'frugal.' I mean f*cking cheap!)!
-You have a small dick (what exactly did you wear that thing down on!?)!
-You have a loose beaver (does a guy have to strap a 2x8 to his a** so as not to fall in!?)!
-Your kids are annoying!
-Your Ex is annoying!
-Your parents are annoying!
-Your dead relatives (were they alive) would also probably be annoying!
-You're annoying!
-You don't make enough money!
-You're damaged goods!
-You can't leave the past in the past!
-Your car is a joke (but not in that good, funny way!)!
-You drive too slow!
-You drive too fast!
-You're a sh*tty driver!
-You smell like your f*cking pets!
-You're lazy!
-You're a workaholic!
-You're a shop-a-holic!
-You're an alcoholic!
-You're a sex-a-holic!
-You're an excuse maker!
-You're a liar!
-You're full of yourself!
-You're not a bag of chips and that much more!
-You make me restless!
-You agitate me me worse than fiberglass insulation does a person's skin!
-You're eyes don't line up!
-You limp (what's up with that...yet another 'attention-getting' device?)!
-You're voice wishes me to be in a tragic vehicular accident!
-When you sing around me... it's like an ice pick in my ear!
-You're just plain ol' boring!
-You're too fat!
-You're too skinny!
-You sleep with family members!
-You sleep with farm animals(still probably family members)!
-You slept with my friends(s). And that's just wrong!

#335 - The Ultimate Break-Up Card!

$3.95 Regular Price
$3.00Sale Price
  • -I slept with your friend(s). And that's just HOT!
    -I only date real men!
    -I only date real women!
    -I only date my own species!
    -I sometimes imagine of what it would be like were you to be hit by a bus!
    -You shed!
    -You eat your own dandruff!
    -You're pulling a hair from my head to floss your teeth did NOT 'rock my world!'
    -Sometimes you have 'stuff' in your eyes!
    -Sometimes you have 'stuff' hanging out your nose!
    -You're ugly (specify inside and/or out)!
    -The thought of being with you gives me gas!
    -When I'm not with your, I find my mind wandering to ways of killing you (and that's not good)!
    -Being around you has me longing for death (and that's still not good)!
    -You make me think of being with the same sex more so than anyone before you!
    -You're not a nice person!
    -You'd never send me greeting cards (especially from!
    Note: the security watermark you see on the NeilsNotes within this website will not appear on your original NeilsNotes when they arrive in the mail. And by purchasing from this website you testify that you are of the ‘Age of Majority’ in your area (18+ in some areas, 21+ in others).
    NeilsNotes measure a HUGE (as opposed to small) 5.5” x 8.5”. Our competitor’s cards suck, they’re lame, they’re NOT funny and are so small you couldn’t wipe a chipmunk’s a** with them (with a NeilsNotes you COULD!). NeilsNotes are printed on heavy gloss stock and contain REAL ‘Adult Content’, and comes with our own product-branded envelope (in fluorescent yellow… ZAZZY!!!). So know that when you’re buying a NeilsNotes for someone you love (could get you laid) or hate (could get you hurt!), that YOU are buying The #1 Adult Greeting Card(s)… IN THE WORLD!


‘These are absolutely the WORST cards in the BEST way. Our Customers love them!’

           Kristen –  ON.


‘A Customer came in one day and bought 11 NeilsNotes at once!’

            Corey - SK.


‘Neil: these are freakin' hilarious! My fave is the Pap Smear card - still laughing! Great addition to the store! Thanks for finding us!’

            Joan - BC.


‘I must tell you what an amazing reaction that I get from them by the laughter that comes from your racks!

Your cards bring a type of relief to people’s days. As long as I have a store, and your great cards are available, they will have a spot to shine… THANK YOU!'

            Bill - MI.


‘Love the Cards Love The Reactions to Them…Love Working with Neil. All around a Great Thing! Thx. Neil'!

            Corinne - BC.


‘(I’ve just received and…) I’m opening the cards now… they are HILARIOUS! Thanks!’

            Linda - BC.

‘The funniest I have ever seen, absolutely brilliant! The cards are as twisted as I had hoped. We will be

re-ordering. It’s been a pleasure dealing with you, also excellent friendly follow-up service on top of a great

product! Thank you very much!’

            Simon – AU.

Hi Neil! We just received the shipment and I’m reading a few of your cards… they're hilarious! We’ll sell tons of them!
            Caitlin – ON.

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